How does one person at
the beginning to end of every day keep another person so wrapped up in thought
even though the outcome is the same as Groundhog Day? I may have different
emotional views that I react to differently but the same result no matter every
angle I take and every different perspective views there is always one thing
that stays the same. I'm here and he is out there somewhere, I’m alone and
upset and have gained more confusion and fault by not doing a good enough job
in my search. Yet every day the process gets harder as my mind is gradually
getting weaker. The person I was happy with all the time has begun to be
secluded and undefined. The only thing that I can figure to be of any logic is
the lord and the universe are allowing this process to happen of us not finding
each other and the mentality I have been developing is all for my good as it
will make my move next week back home a lot easier on me. Out of sight out of
mind and in a whole different city far from this one and much bigger I will
have an easier ride with letting go. I never worked through the emotions of the
loss of my family so this will have been another big loss for me that Could have
thrown me overboard had it not played out this way. This way I slowly accepted not
having him in my life, and the loss will only be of the last chapter. Next week
I start my new chapter back on familiar ground, around my oldest kids my own
clean house, and drama a thing I leave here. I would rather my next chapter
started with our love of us, yes most definitely, but I’m going to be ok now
with it not. Life has its direction and trust is trust but to believe is power.
So I can only give thanks to all involved and grow into a higher spirit and a
more beautiful person from what life has taught me. Never been fair but has
always been right! God Bless! Love Much! Embrace Life!
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