Desirable chances

To desire is to crave something so deep within your soul that you’re unable to just let it flow on by. It’s possible and within reach but you just can’t physically touch it. It’s something that you know is right and much more than a want but you’re always one step behind the full effect of having it.

It starts in your mind at the beginning of your day to is just being your everyday. It is like knowing the word to say but it’s right at the tip of your tongue and you know you know it, but you begin over time to disbelieve in ever recovering it.

Where do you believe this could end up on your journey to self-healing? Is this desire of yours a real chance you begin to think your self-doubt and self-worth begin to be overrun by the over-processed analyzed thug named “EGO”!

Then only many more negative thoughts and failed attempts at ever reaching that desired just blew your chances out the door and down 2 blocks instead of one step.

This is where it becomes critical in your self-healing to notice when your ego takes its first shot at you because if you can catch it, you will be ok. But one thing is for sure, even knowing the mind’s process and the way it is wired, it is still very hard to fall into its trap time and time again.  For me, I am at the current stage of ever desiring anything in my life. I have always just gone with things naturally and if it wasn’t meant to be then it wasn’t. I also have never been a materialistic person so I have never just wanted things as things were not of importance therefore you can’t desire them.

Today I have finally just processed that the ego has the upper hand right now and has for a few days to a point that it saddens me to think that all the abuse I went through and from Mom and Kenny all of them words of you’ll never be anything to anyone, your worthless, your nothing, you’re not ever going to be worth anyone’s time. All those negative heavily repeated statements in my PAST become alive in my head, even in meditation just keep attaching in my thoughts my choices throughout the day and my whole energy field. My headaches are worse, my eye that was popped out is going back blurry which hadn’t happened in years, my every 13 surgeries scars are just aching, and my heart is shutting back down into numb mode. Then if it isn’t changed and if my thinking doesn’t start believing I do have a chance at my desire my solitary confinement will get stricter. I do believe I could come out of remission with Chondrosarcoma all over a matter of time if I allowed my ego to take the steering wheel. We do make ourselves ill and we very much have the power to heal our illness. That is why our thoughts and our souls’ desires cannot be dismissed as just other passersby in our lives. You can reach for whatever it is that you want in life, just remember that sometimes the things you must fight harder to get you will cherish & appreciate more when you do get them!

So don’t sell yourself short and you will always have any chance you want when your soul desires!